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The Archive

Every edition we have ever regretted publishing, preserved in full.

Vol. I · No. 13 · Saturday, September 12, 2026 · 13 flips

President Biden Promises Every Adult a $5,000 Check, Payable Only If His Party Keeps Congress

President Obama Tells Voters to 'Pretend' He Is on the Ballot, Which Is Also the Other Party's Entire Plan

President Biden Orders the Smithsonian to Replace a 1967 Sculpture With a 30-Foot 'Colossus' by a Date He Picked

Prosecutor Hand-Picked to Investigate President Obama's Enemies Quits Without Charging Anyone, Citing Pressure to Go Faster

Vol. I · No. 12 · Wednesday, August 26, 2026 · 10 flips

President Obama Threatens to Cut Off University Funding Unless Colleges Run Their Sports Programs the Federal Way

President Biden's Administration Threatens School Funding Over Which Books Are Allowed on the Shelves

Gov. Whitmer Gave Data-Center Giants Billions in Tax Breaks After Their Executives Gave the Campaign $20 Million

Rep. Khanna Disclosed 22 Stock Trades Months Late, Including in the Very Companies Congress Oversees

Vol. I · No. 11 · Tuesday, August 25, 2026 · 12 flips

President Obama Declares Global 'Economic War,' Orders World Leaders to Pick a Side by Dinner

Senate Confirms President Booker's Own Former Defense Lawyer as Attorney General, 50-49, on a Party-Line Vote

Supreme Court Clears Path for President Harris's Sweeping New Limits on Mail-In Voting Before the Midterms

President Clinton Phones the Fed Chair (Again) Demanding Rate Cuts; Nation Rediscovers Its Deep Belief in Central Bank Independence

Vol. I · No. 10 · Sunday, August 23, 2026 · 13 flips

Secretary Buttigieg Releases a Family Reality Show on YouTube, Sponsored by the Airline and the Plane-Maker He Regulates

President Obama Tells a Rally Crowd His Voters Don't Show Up for Anyone Else, Asks Them to 'Pretend, Please, That I'm on the Ballot'

President Biden Gives a Think Tank Until Close of Business Friday to Retract a Report Saying His National Guard Deployments Didn't Reduce Crime, or Face a $5 Billion Lawsuit

President Biden Suspends Tariffs on 300,000 Tons of Foreign Ground Beef to Bring Down Prices, and Senators From His Own Party Call It a 'Betrayal' of Ranchers

Vol. I · No. 9 · Saturday, August 22, 2026 · 13 flips

President Obama Shuts Down the National Mall for a Car Race and Takes the First Lap Himself in the Presidential Limousine

Secretary Austin's Pentagon Fires the Military Newspaper's Editor, Publisher and a Reporter for Telling a TV Crew That Censorship Would Be a 'Red Line'

Secretary Buttigieg Brings His Husband to a Sensitive Pentagon Meeting; British Officials Wait for the Spouse to Leave Before Discussing Their Troops

Cooper Asks the Most Powerful Lobby in His Own Coalition to Please Stop Helping Him Win

Vol. I · No. 8 · Friday, August 21, 2026 · 12 flips

President Obama Threatens to Bomb the Country That Was Trying to Broker His Peace

Under President Biden, the CIA Is Losing Spies Faster Than It Can Mail Their Pensions

President Obama's FCC Orders an Early License Review of the Network That Mocks Him

Vice President Harris Says the Treasury Secretary Has a 'Very Discreet Plan' for the $40 Trillion Debt

Vol. I · No. 7 · Thursday, August 20, 2026 · 10 flips

Billionaire Steyer, After Losing a Primary by 11 Points, Will Spend $1 Million of His Own to Recount the Ballots

Rep. Golden Celebrates $94 Million to Fix His State's Lead Pipes — From the Bill He Voted Against

Gov. Polis Accepted More Than $55,000 in Free Luxury Guided Hunts From Wealthy Donors

President Obama Pardons a Foreign Banker Whose Family Gave His Super PAC $3.5 Million

Vol. I · No. 6 · Wednesday, August 19, 2026 · 11 flips

President Obama's Company Begins Charging $100,000 a Month for a Head Start on His Own Official Posts

President Biden Announces a Trade 'DEAL' With Canada That Has No Terms, No Text, and a Three-Day Clock

Homeland Chief Mayorkas Spent Nearly Half a Billion on a Fleet of Jets That Have Barely Left the Hangar

Sen. Warren Took Five Special-Interest Luxury Vacations, Including Six Days on an Italian Lake With Her Lobbyist Spouse

Vol. I · No. 5 · Saturday, August 15, 2026 · 13 flips

President Biden Says He Will Declare a Foreign Strait a U.S. Territory 'Pretty Soon,' Posts AI Image of Himself Boarding a Tanker

President Obama Asks Voters to Pay 'a Little Bit More' for Gas One Day After His Vice President Called Cheap Gas 'Goal No. 1'

President Obama Tells Supreme Court His $400 Million Ballroom Is 'Absolutely Required' for National Security, Also Cites Architectural Values

President Biden Orders the Navy to Rip the Magnets Out of a New Aircraft Carrier and Put the Steam Back In

Vol. I · No. 4 · Friday, August 14, 2026 · 11 flips

Board Appointed by President Obama Votes 20-3 That the Kennedy Center's Marble Should Credit President Obama's Restoration

Vice President Harris Announces the War's No. 1 Goal Is Cheap Gasoline, Demoting the Nuclear Weapon to a Strong Second

President Biden Sets 50 Percent Tariffs on the Neighbor He Is Renegotiating a Trade Deal With, Is Surprised the Neighbor May Leave

Secretary Mayorkas's Department Infiltrated Group Chats, Library Meetings and a Church Basement in Search of a Conspiracy

Vol. I · No. 3 · Thursday, August 13, 2026 · 10 flips

Gov. Abbott, Weighing a Presidential Run, Personally Unveils 800 Pounds of Butter Shaped Like a Cow

Press Secretary Jean-Pierre Steps Down to Spend More Time With Family, Effective the Moment She Becomes a Top Outside Advisor

Gov. DeSantis Responds to Formal Televised Debate Challenge With 17-Letter Statement: 'Hahahhahahahahaha'

President Biden Announces Prices Are Dropping Fast; Prices, Reached for Comment, Rise 0.1 Percent

Vol. I · No. 2 · Wednesday, August 12, 2026 · 11 flips

President Obama Has the Half-Built Granite Presidential Seal Ripped Out of the Lawn Because the Lawn Is Sloped

Leader Thune Unveils Plan to Win the Senate by Personally Selecting Which Candidates the Voters Would Have Chosen Anyway

Senate Confirms President Newsom's Former Personal Lawyer to Run the Justice Department at 2 A.M., an Hour Chosen for Its Transparency

Billionaire Gov. Youngkin Explores Bold New Campaign Strategy of Personally Paying for the Party That May Nominate Him

Vol. I · No. 1 · Tuesday, August 11, 2026 · 7 flips

President Obama Vows Supreme Court Fight for His Right to Build an Enormous Ballroom

President Newsom Signs Executive Order Rewriting Childhood Vaccine Recommendations, Nation Instantly Swaps Catchphrases

Trump's Office Issues All-Caps Holiday Greeting Calling Opponents 'SCUM'; Supporters Hail Refreshing Authenticity

Gov. DeSantis Quietly Routes $1.7 Million to Early-Primary States in Move Described as Either Grassroots Genius or Naked Ambition