Vol. I  ·  No. 8 Friday, August 21, 2026Price: Your Priors
Quod Anseri Bonum, Anseri Alteri

The Double Standard Press

Est. Never· All the News, Reprinted to Fit· Serving Both Echo Chambers
100% Parody
You are reading the edition of Friday, August 21, 2026 — read today's paper
BREAKING: Nation threatens to bomb the referee, cites slow whistle  ···  TREASURY: Secret plan to outgrow $40 trillion debt reportedly kept so discreet even the debt hasn't heard  ···  POLL: 91% of readers 'have no idea' if a candidate would be good, add they can see the balloons from here  ···  CORRECTIONS: The Press called a rushed end-of-session bill a 'secret'; it asks to be listed instead as 'discreet'  ···
Outrage Index, This Edition · 90 — 12 flips tested · editors’ estimate · the meter is still tallying
The Daily Flip · Diplomacy Desk

President Obama Threatens to Bomb the Country That Was Trying to Broker His Peace

Frustrated that talks have stalled, the President turns his attention to the neutral ally hosting them; officials clarify the mediator is not, technically, the enemy

By The Gander DeskAug 21, 2026
Press photo: an enormous olive branch stretched across a diplomatic negotiating table with a car-sized aerial bomb hanging above it from a crane
Staff photo · The peace process, pending one final adjustment
Are you outraged by this headline?
Rewritten from real coverage of President Trump threatening to bomb Oman — the Gulf ally mediating an end to the Iran war — after negotiations stalled. Tap flip and watch 'holding our allies accountable' turn back into 'bombing the peacemaker.'
Ink = the flip (fiction). Red = real Republican · Blue = real Democrat.
Flip Test · 95% Failed

WASHINGTON — President Obama, unable to force a surrender at the negotiating table, announced this week that he was prepared to bomb the small neutral country that had spent months trying to arrange the negotiating table.

To underline the seriousness, the President promised what he called an economic campaign of unprecedented scale against anyone still trading with the other side — a category that, on inspection, included several countries the United States would prefer to keep.

Continue to the full flip →

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Press photo: an empty elementary classroom with tiny chairs, a giant magnifying glass on a brass stand hovering over an oversized open ledger on the teacher's desk
Education Desk

Governor Hochul Orders an Audit of School 'Administrative Bloat,' Starting With the District She Dislikes

Press photo: a dim warehouse stacked with shrink-wrapped pallets of banded cash, three dust-covered armored vehicles in a row, and an unopened rolled blueprint marked with a dove icon
Foreign Aid Desk

President Biden Sends $206 Million for a Peacekeeping Force to Keep a Peace That Does Not Yet Exist

Press photo: a modest wooden lectern on a small stage, with an enormous blank presidential-style seal, red-white-and-blue balloons and a campaign tour bus looming behind a thin gauze curtain
2028 Desk

Asked if He'd Make a Good President, Governor Kemp Says He Has 'No Idea'

Press photo: a stately governor's office with the leather chair empty and swiveled away, an oversized US map on the wall bristling with pushpins and red yarn, a packed suitcase by the door
Ambition Desk

Governor DeSantis Has Spent One in Five Days of His Term in Other States

Press photo: a dim back room with a long table, an enormous corporate umbrella marked with a single lightning-bolt icon shielding a stack of ledgers from a rain of glowing embers
Utility Desk

In His Final Weeks, Governor Abbott Pushes a Late Bill to Cap What Utilities Pay After Their Fires

Press photo: a pristine northern lake at golden hour, a colossal red rubber stamp pressing down over a mining excavator frozen mid-dig, a canoe-sized fountain pen lying along the shoreline
Executive Action Desk

Governor Youngkin Blocks a Mine by Executive Order, Bypassing the Legislature He Couldn't Persuade

Press photo: a formal governor's oak desk bearing an enormous ornate proclamation scroll covered in purple heart stickers and confetti, a skyscraper glowing purple through the window
Proclamation Desk

Governor DeSantis Declares an Official State Holiday for a Visiting K-Pop Band

Press photo: an ornate political hall with a tall ceremonial throne draped in bunting, a laurel victory wreath on a velvet pillow on the steps, and a banana peel conspicuously on the throne's seat
Leadership Desk

Leader Thune Warmly Praises the Insurgent Candidates Who Have Vowed to Remove Him