Vol. I  ·  No. 12 Wednesday, August 26, 2026Price: Your Priors
Quod Anseri Bonum, Anseri Alteri

The Double Standard Press

Est. Never· All the News, Reprinted to Fit· Serving Both Echo Chambers
100% Parody
Yesterday’s Paper: Aug 25, 2026 →
BREAKING: Nation's opinion of executive power found to depend entirely on nation's opinion of executive  ···  POLL: 91% say a policy is 'authoritarian' or 'decisive' based solely on the jersey of the signer  ···  OP-ED: "Norms Matter," writes columnist, filing under drafts labeled 'use when we lose'  ···  CORRECTIONS: We flipped a byline yesterday and half our readers changed their minds. Working as intended  ···
Today’s Outrage Index · 89 — 10 flips tested · editors’ estimate · the meter is still tallying
The Daily Flip · Campus Desk

President Obama Threatens to Cut Off University Funding Unless Colleges Run Their Sports Programs the Federal Way

The White House discovers a heretofore unknown Article II power to referee, using billions in research grants as the flag on the play

Press photo: an empty college football stadium at midfield where an enormous federal-seal decal is being rolled onto the fifty-yard line, a tuba-sized chrome referee whistle resting on a government-issue desk beside a stack of rulebooks
Staff photo · The federal seal, installed at midfield, whistle to scale
Are you outraged by this headline?
Rewritten from real coverage of the administration tying federal college funding to compliance with its agenda — same threat, opposite president. Tap flip and watch 'accountability' become 'federal overreach' in one click.
Ink = the flip (fiction). Red = real Republican · Blue = real Democrat.
Flip Test · 88% Failed

WASHINGTON — President Obama's administration this week tied a school's eligibility for federal grants and contracts to whether it runs its athletic programs according to new federal preferences, deputizing the national research budget as an enforcement mechanism for the rules of college football.

The Press's campus desk confirms that conditioning school funding on ideological compliance is a grave assault on academic freedom when the other party does it and a common-sense guardrail when one's own does, and that university presidents have learned to keep both statements pre-written.

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