Vol. I  ·  No. 9 Saturday, August 22, 2026Price: Your Priors
Quod Anseri Bonum, Anseri Alteri

The Double Standard Press

Est. Never· All the News, Reprinted to Fit· Serving Both Echo Chambers
100% Parody
You are reading the edition of Saturday, August 22, 2026 — read today's paper
BREAKING: National Mall closed for a car race; the Reflecting Pool asks to be listed as a chicane  ···  PENTAGON: Military newspaper editor fired for drawing a 'red line'; Press reminded that red lines are for presidents only  ···  POLL: 88% of readers support abolishing the tax they pay and keeping the service it funds, margin of error 'the whole budget'  ···  CORRECTIONS: The Press described a mayor's vacation destination as 'upstate'; City Hall asks that this be narrowed to 'north'  ···
Outrage Index, This Edition · 0 — 13 flips tested · 1 readers
The Daily Flip · Motorsports Desk

President Obama Shuts Down the National Mall for a Car Race and Takes the First Lap Himself in the Presidential Limousine

A 1.66-mile street circuit past the Capitol, the Smithsonian and the Reflecting Pool, three hours of grounded flights at Reagan National, $90 million in federal security money, and one ceremonial lap in The Beast

Press photo: an open-wheel race car parked on the National Mall gravel path beside a hot-dog cart, hay bales stacked around a marble monument and a checkered flag draped over a park bench
Staff photo · The Mall, ready for 147 laps of national reflection
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Rewritten from real coverage of the Freedom 250 Grand Prix — the IndyCar street race President Trump created by executive order that takes over the National Mall this weekend, with Trump scheduled to take a ceremonial lap in his limousine. Tap flip and watch 'a joyful celebration of America's birthday' turn back into 'the President closed the Mall to race cars.'
Ink = the flip (fiction). Red = real Republican · Blue = real Democrat.
Flip Test · 96% Failed

WASHINGTON — The National Mall, a public lawn normally reserved for protests, kite festivals and people looking for the bathroom at the Air and Space Museum, has been converted into a seven-turn street circuit at the direction of President Obama, who is scheduled to open the racing on Sunday by driving the course himself in the presidential limousine.

Congress set aside $90 million for security. A private racing company is covering most of the rest, a figure that officials would only describe as larger than the cost of racing through Detroit. Flights into Reagan National will be grounded for three hours during the race so the planes do not compete with the cars for the airspace, and roughly 140,000 spectators are expected, 100,000 of them on free lottery tickets and a smaller number on a Champions Club pass costing about what a used sedan costs.

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