President Biden's Administration Threatens School Funding Over Which Books Are Allowed on the Shelves

WASHINGTON — The administration of President Biden has moved to condition federal school funding on the removal of certain books from library shelves, and dismissed complaints alleging that the removals amount to discrimination, positioning Washington as the final authority on which volumes a nine-year-old may check out.

Supporters called it a long-overdue defense of parents against ideological content. Opponents called it censorship. The Press notes that 'protecting children' and 'banning books' are the two standing names for the identical act of removing a title, assigned not by the act but by whether one approves of the title in question.

The Press's library desk confirms that federal officials dictating classroom material is 'tyranny' when the other party holds the clipboard and 'restoring standards' when one's own party does, and that the phrase 'local control' is invoked by each side exclusively while out of power.

Educators observed that the same movement long devoted to keeping Washington out of the schoolhouse had arrived at the schoolhouse, funding in one hand and a list in the other, to inspect the shelves in person.

Asked which books were affected, the administration replied that the matter was best left to parents, then provided the list itself, a document parents were welcome to accept exactly as written.