Vol. I  ·  No. 7 Thursday, August 20, 2026Price: Your Priors
Quod Anseri Bonum, Anseri Alteri

The Double Standard Press

Est. Never· All the News, Reprinted to Fit· Serving Both Echo Chambers
100% Parody
You are reading the edition of Thursday, August 20, 2026 — read today's paper
MARKETS: Recount futures soar as a losing candidate discovers the ballots were counted correctly and demands they be counted again  ···  WEATHER: Gusts of directed spending sweep one small state; residents advised to accept the bridge and ask no further questions  ···  SPORTS: A luxury box reports it has been reclassified as a 'political meeting' and asks to be excused from the ethics form  ···  CORRECTIONS: The Press wrote that a certain billionaire could not be bought; the billionaire has asked to be listed instead as merely expensive  ···
Outrage Index, This Edition · 0 — 10 flips tested · 2 readers
The Daily Flip · Recount Desk

Billionaire Steyer, After Losing a Primary by 11 Points, Will Spend $1 Million of His Own to Recount the Ballots

The self-funder cites 'anomalies' his own team says it spotted on election night; officials report no findings of fraud, only of a 45,000-vote margin

By The Gander DeskAug 20, 2026
Press photo: a shipping-container-sized ballot box tipped over spilling a mountain of blank paper ballots across a long table, a giant magnifying glass on a stand and a car-sized wooden abacus beside it, a lone office chair facing the pile
Staff photo · The count, being recounted
Are you outraged by this headline?
Rewritten from real coverage of MyPillow founder Mike Lindell, who lost the Minnesota GOP governor primary by 11 points and pledged to fund a statewide hand recount citing 'irregularities.' Tap flip and time how fast 'protecting election integrity' becomes 'a sore loser who can't accept the count.'
Ink = the flip (fiction). Red = real Republican · Blue = real Democrat.
Flip Test · 96% Failed

SACRAMENTO — Steyer, the self-funding businessman who lost his party's primary for governor by eleven points, announced this week that he will spend nearly $1 million of his own money to conduct a hand recount of the ballots, citing 'anomalies' that he said his own team detected on election night and that election officials said they did not.

There have been no official findings of fraud or irregularity in the result. This has not slowed the recount, which is funded, organized, and demanded by the one candidate the count did not favor, on the theory that a number this disappointing must be wrong.

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Press photo: a marble hall with a huge floor map of a small coastal state piled with oversized burlap money-bags, an enormous brass funnel on a crane pouring gold coins onto it, and the rest of the national map around it left bare
Appropriations Desk

Appropriations Chair Murray Steers More Than $425 Million Home to Her Small State, Which Her Party Calls Fiscal Responsibility

Press photo: a campaign stage at dusk where a humming server tower with a single glowing lens sits behind the microphone instead of a lectern, spitting a stream of blank paper flyers over rows of empty folding chairs, a blank billboard on a truck behind
Algorithm Desk

Candidate Lake Built an AI Chatbot to Mock a Primary Rival; Her Own Party Made Her Take It Down

Press photo: a sunny airport tarmac with a sleek private jet, air-stair down, a brass luggage cart piled with matching suitcases and oversized cartoon mouse-ear hats, a champagne bucket on a stand, and a person-sized ceramic piggy bank with a coin slot, red carpet from the jet
Leadership PAC Desk

Sen. Cruz Used Donor-Funded PAC Money for Private Jets, Disney Trips, and a Family Birthday Bash

Press photo: an empty arena luxury suite overlooking a basketball court, plush courtside seats draped with an enormous glossy gift bow, a marble table with untouched catering and champagne, and an open briefcase on a seat overflowing with blank tickets, blank scoreboard above
Luxury Box Desk

Gov. Kemp Took Thousands in Free Sports Tickets From Lobbyists and an Anonymously Funded Nonprofit

Press photo: a grand city-hall office where an ornate mayor's leather chair is mounted atop a golden hydraulic lift rising toward the ceiling, stacks of gold coins piling beneath it, a giant blank novelty check leaning against the wall, a plain patterned rug on the floor
Pay Grade Desk

Mayor Suarez Accepts a Raise as the City Council Votes Itself, and Him, a Bigger Paycheck

Press photo: a cavernous bank vault filled to the ceiling with gold bars and banded cash, and in the middle on a small stool a humble battered tin collection cup and a blank cardboard sign, a red velvet rope leading to the cup, an upturned top hat with a few coins
War Chest Desk

Billionaire Scott, Who Self-Funded His Way to Office, Now Passes the Hat for a 2028 Bid