President Biden Sets 50 Percent Tariffs on the Neighbor He Is Renegotiating a Trade Deal With, Is Surprised the Neighbor May Leave

WASHINGTON — President Biden is scheduled to impose 50 percent tariffs Tuesday on cars, dairy and alcohol from the nation he is simultaneously renegotiating a continental trade agreement with — a strategy the White House describes as pressure and the other delegation describes, through its lead negotiator, as the end of the meeting.

Ottawa's chief negotiator has warned her American counterparts that if the tariffs land, her country walks away from the renegotiation entirely, leaving Washington to finish a three-country agreement with a strong two-country attendance.

The Press's diplomacy desk summarizes the position of each side. Washington: the talks will go better once the other party has been charged for attending. Ottawa: no. The desk rates both positions internally consistent and mutually exclusive, which is the classical definition of a Tuesday.

Reaction at home was sorted upon arrival. Voters aligned with the president praised hardball on behalf of workers; voters opposed diagnosed a needless trade war with the neighbor least likely to have started one. The Press archives confirm each party maintains a complete tariff wardrobe — 'standing up for American industry' in one closet, 'a tax on American families' in the other — and dresses strictly by whose president is at the register.

Economists consulted by The Press noted that a 50 percent tariff on dairy from the north, combined with existing pressures, would raise prices in the very aisles both parties tour before elections, and asked to remain anonymous because they would like to be consulted again.

As of press time the tariffs remain scheduled, the walkout remains threatened, and the maple syrup remains, in the words of one exhausted aide, the only thing at the table both sides still like.