Senate Confirms President Newsom's Former Personal Lawyer to Run the Justice Department at 2 A.M., an Hour Chosen for Its Transparency

WASHINGTON — The Senate voted 50 to 49 in the small hours of Saturday morning to confirm President Newsom's former personal defense attorney as Attorney General of the United States, placing the nation's law enforcement apparatus in the hands of a man whose most famous client is the person it may occasionally be asked to examine.

Supporters of Newsom praised the nominee as a brilliant litigator who knows the president's thinking intimately — offering, as a qualification, the exact sentence critics had submitted as the disqualification. The Press has preserved both sentences unedited, as they will be needed again, verbatim, under the next administration.

The 2 a.m. vote time was defended as a scheduling necessity. It is always a scheduling necessity. The Press archives confirm that no controversial confirmation has ever occurred at 2 p.m., an hour when Americans are awake.

Legal scholars note that the arrangement is not illegal, which has replaced 'proper' as the governing standard of both parties, on an alternating basis, depending on whose lawyer is being sworn in.

At the ceremony, the new Attorney General pledged to enforce the law without fear or favor. The oath was administered by the president, which all present agreed was efficient.