Speaker Jeffries Says He May Start a Lawn Business If His Party Loses the House, Spokesman Calls the Coverage 'Hilarious'

WASHINGTON — Speaker Jeffries told a television interviewer this week that if his party loses the House in November and 'God moves on our hearts,' he might go home and start a lawn business, a vocation he promised to pursue 'with equal fervor.'

The remark set off a round of speculation in the capital about whether the Speaker had, in effect, conceded. His spokesman dismissed that reading as 'hilarious,' noting that Jeffries had only dared to speculate about his potential future in the lawn care business, a sentence no press office has ever previously been required to type.

Jeffries also said he would not discuss a scenario in which his party loses, because he is 'laser focused' on winning, before discussing the scenario in which his party loses in some agricultural detail.

Lawn-care professionals reached by The Press were broadly supportive, though one cautioned that the industry requires the ability to count yards, accept that some grass will never stay where you put it, and show up on time in the fall. 'Honestly, sounds like he's trained for it,' he said.

The Press's campaign desk runs the flip: the other party's Speaker publicly floating a post-defeat career would have been 'a white flag on the Capitol dome.' Under Jeffries, it is 'refreshing humility.' The grass, which has no party, continues to grow regardless of the majority.